Birthday

I don't know why people call it Happy Birthday. Its 30 mins to my 19th and I'm not happy at all. :( Not that my unhappiness has to do with my birthday, but it serves to make it even more poignant. I'm feeling miserable and it's my birthday :( It should be the other way round actually: Its my birthday and I feel miserable. Yeah, I've become one of those people that go " it doesn't matter, it's just a birthday". But really, NO IT IS NOT JUST A BIRTHDAY?! it MATTERS. Really does. Just don't have the spirit to celebrate, and not that I have much to celebrate anyway. So, yeah. What can I say?