ytd night resulted in me unable to enjoy what i intended to do- chill with a good book. however, i guess in a way it just made me-us pour out what we've been keeping inside for a long long time. which was a good thing. well mom, all im saying is that change might not be all that bad afterall, im not saying you should * but. if the circumstances prevail, then what choice is left?

needing a man around is bullshit basically. maybe i wont be saying this a few years down the road, but as of now, i can say that even if she decides to *, i wont be affected. ive been emotionally dettached from him for a long time now, it wont hurt anymore. i wont hurt anymore. if this continues, i dont think she'd be able to take it anyway. me, i'll have my means of escape- this is not my life yet. but for her, its different. this is her life already, too many mistakes, too many regrets, too messy.

i wish i could do something.